I hope you will indulge me for a moment, Today was a bit of a mixed up emotional day for me. I have suffered with the results of a major fuck up in my life for many years. Approximately fifteen years. Today I was able to release it and know I am OK.
I am not going to give you all the nitty gritty details, because that would not be productive and just bring down the vibe of my blog. That is not my intent right now. I want to express so much gratitude to the universe. That is my point.
Fifteen years ago I was a mixed up, hurting, angry person. All I wanted to do was forget my suffering and worthlessness (that was how I felt then), so I did a lot of horrible stuff to myself and others. After a few years of that, I was able to pull myself out of the shit I buried myself in.
What a wonderful feeling it was to be free of all the turmoil. I was not fully there emotionally, but it was a start. There a lot of healing to do within and without. I had one scar that at the time of diagnosis was thought to be a permanent illness.
After about 5-6 years of living with this illness, I was presented with a treatment. I took this treatment and was sick as a dog for six months. I describe it as having the flu every other day for half a year. It was nuts. After the treatment I was tested and told my illness had lessened and I was doing well. I took a little recovery time and felt great.
Recently I had some blood tests done. I was still positive for this illness as far the doctor could see. She sent me to a specialist and after looking at all my history and a specialized test…He tells me “Your cured.”
WTF? Really? Apparently He is quite adamant that I have been cured…backed when I went through the pervious treatment. I was shocked. Close to ten years on and still thinking I carry this scar and this Doctor tells me I have been fine ever since the ending of my treatments ten years ago. It was a mindfuck let me tell you.
I am so grateful! I came home and told both my best girls about this. They were joyous for me, I am so thankful to have them. I also went to my alter and spoke to my guides. I gave my Matron Goddess profuse thanks for her support and guidance.
I always ask for a message from my Goddess and pull a Tarot or Oracle card to see what she has to tell me. Today I pulled the fool from the Shadowscapes Tarot. It immediately hit me the words “FLY FREE”
Freedom sweet freedom! To be free of the weight of guilt and past regrets was a wonderful feeling. The reminder I had been living with (or so I thought) has disappeared…Can you imagine? It is incredible.
Have you ever had an experience of release and sudden freedom? I’d love to hear it.