In honour of Kelly-Ann Maddox’s Self-Love September Party she does each year, I am going to share my self-love story. 😀
Where does one start when talking about this? For some, like myself, it is hard to pin down when self-love left me and when it began to return. I believe that as children we are born with the innate knowledge of how to love ourselves. As a nanny I see this in the children I work with. Very young children don’t go about depressed or with a lot of negative self talk. They are generally full of life and bubble with enthusiasm. This at times causes them to act with extreme selfishness, but they do not see it that way…they are courageous and standing up for themselves the best way they know how. When someone tells them they are wrong or that they can not do something they react to this in a way that shows their deep disappointment. This disappointment steams also from their self love, remember how you feel when you are told you are wrong about something.
Self-Love seeps out of us with the pressures of life and society. Life is a bitch my friends and she will eat you at any chance. Now I don’t say that as a statement of “well what is the point then?” No…What I am saying is that life is challenging and can be extremely difficult. We need our armour. That emotional and mental armour that will see us through the bumps and crashes of life. That armour is built of self-love and patience with yourself. That is the most valuable armour anyone can have.
Let’s segway into my personal story..
My story is maybe not as horrible as some people’s but it did it’s damage. I grew up in a very unhappy home. I had a father who was an alcoholic. I know now his story was very sad. There is a lot of damage and generational issues going on in the paternal side of my family. My mother was just as damaged but she was not a drinker. She has a very intense and traumatic story that makes who she is make sense. I know this all about my parents now that I am adult and the family trauma and karma has already been passed down to me.
The mental and emotional abuse was daily and caused a lot of issues for me and my brother. Everything from my intelligence, the shape of my body and my lack of perfection was up for criticism. Then High School happened. We all know what a horror that can be. When I graduated from High school I started dating a man. Well lets just say he was not the cream of the crop. His mission in life at that time was to tattoo my body with his fist regularly. During this period of my life I tried to commit suicide several times. I felt that there was no way out of what my life had been up till then. This was indeed the darkest time of my life.
Through all of this I held on to a tiny flame within my soul. I was like a child who had only a matchstick for light in complete darkness and If that light went out, all hope would surly be lost. I needed to find the right fuel to make a proper fire. It tool me years to get to where I am now and it has been worth it. Below is my personal fuel, my way of showing myself love and building confidence.
Bree’s Self-Love Manifesto/Advice
Face your fears and take risks
This means getting into yourself and pushing out. Get out of your head and express yourself. All that BS “I can’t” What if” “Should I” “This is uncomfortable” ’s…they can fuck off on a long walk off a short pier.
Just do it!
Go on that vacation trip to that exotic destination solo…why not?
Cheer that scared part of yourself on towards the pay raise you want.
Shake your pompoms for the nervous part of yourself that is going on stage in less than a minute for a theatre performance.
You absolutely must be your own cheerleader. No one else is going to be. Yes you may have family, friends and lovers that care about and support you…that is not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about what is inside…that other piece of yourself that we show no one else. Some call it our inner child, our shadow self, the true self…ect. That part of you that no one else can touch that is the piece of you that needs your love and support. Whatever it might be…Be supportive of yourself.
Watch out for the Devil and allow Death to happen with Love
Negative self talk is habit forming and addictive. I firmly believe that we come to find pleasure in this form of self torture. Think about how you feel when indulging in negative self talk.
Does it feel normal?
Does it feel comfortable?
If you are someone who has lived with this for a long time I’m betting it does. I’ve done a lot of work on my self-love/talk over the past 10 years and I can tell you I’m still tempted to wallow in negativity. I don’t do it all the time or even everyday, but the temptation creeps up often. I am far from perfect so of course I fall for the devils whisperings and indulge. The thing is…this is normal and part of life. It is what we do during this wallowing or directly after that matters.
Let’s kill this comfort we feel in soaking ourselves in the garbage we direct at ourselves. Put it in the ground and bury it…then stomp on it. LOL. Honestly…I know it is harder done then said. Believe me I know! What you can do is make a deal with yourself. That deal an go something like this
“Honey, We are done with this Bull Shit. We are going to be a team. We are not going to allow this shade we keep throwing on ourselves to continue. I know it will be a challenge. We are going to trip up but we are not going to quit. We will love ourselves through this. We will learn to become comfortable in the love we show ourselves and it will grow.”
As Kelly-Ann has said on many occasions, court yourself, date yourself, be in a relationship with yourself. I completely agree with this. It is a very powerful concept.
Allow yourself to take up space and expand. Ignore the Assholes.
You are an individual.
You are unique.
You are worthy.
Your life path is special.
The choices you make are yours and no one else’s.
You are a human being who is deserving of life and happiness.
Yes you are all that. Your Body, Spirit and Mind are allowed to take up space, did you know that?
Well now you know. 😀
You are alive to create. look at every other creature on this earth, they have a purpose and a creative spirit. They don’t apologize for their needs or their wants. Neither should you. So what is stopping you but yourself? Don’t hold yourself back cause an authority or society says you must. Break through those walls and and allow yourself to be bright and shiny.
I hope my thoughts here will help anyone who reads them. If at anytime you need someone to talk to please contact me. You can find me on all my social media or through email. nyms(dot)div(at)gmail.com
So much love and life to you all.