Being an Emperor when you want to be an Empress.

 

In my study of the tarot I can’t seem to shake the feeling of unease with the Emperor card. I see the Emperor as a stern and controlling individual, one who will do anything to get what he wants when he wants it. I see him as a destructive and despotic force, pulling down all that is around Him. Growth and expansion are not respected in the Emperors world, and he actively fights against it, because if He did not…some of his control would be taken from him. He lusts after control. He is societal and familial programming at war with our own individuality.

What I have come to realize is, The Emperor embodies my anxiety. The description above is in fact how my anxiety manifests. The raging, war like energy of this archetype is something I am intimately acquainted with as it is one I grew up with and was taught as a child. It brings me shame and frustration, because I do not like this darkness that is a part of my personality. It is a fight everyday to not let the unyielding Emperor within to become a real life monster.

As with most Depression and Anxiety it comes in waves. We travel through hills and valleys in our emotional worlds, some of us stay in the lower elevations longer then others. There are some that take comfort in these times of lowness, some of us begin to find it all to uncomfortable and boring. Those of us who feel anger and frustration in our times of depression and high anxiety, I believe, are becoming more aware of themselves and desire something better. They realize that there is better ways to expend their energy.

We can have something better but we need to first accept that this part of ourselves is to be lived with. Many people have chronic Anxiety and Depression that can not healed. It just is and must be dealt with(Each person will handle their health in the way they feel is best for them) and not ignored. But how? I believe the Empress is key.

I see the Empress as growth, openness, flowing, beauteous joy, rutting celebration, creativity in it’s most primal form. She is the green growth of new beginnings and the raging flowing waters of wisdom and intuition. She is wondrous and lovely.

I see Her as the healing balm and the antidote for the Emperor’s shadowy predilections. She is the light that allows us to see that there are other ways of being. Her essence is what nourishes us. It is what leads us towards our true self. The Empress is at times seen as Mother Earth or Gaia. Gaia goes through many shifts and changes through a solar year. There is rain, storms, thunder and lightning….but also sun, greenery, and growth. She flows through all these experiences with grace and hope. She does not let the bad weather cause her grief because she knows it is all needed and natural.

I am striving to embrace more of the Empress’s flow and love in how I look at my anxiety. I know she is the path and the way to levelling out the power that anxiety has over me. When I am having an anxious moment I try to remember the Empress and her flow. She gives me peace as I think about how she allows life to flux around her and gives respect to the cycles of life and death. She does not fight against the desires of what others choose to do, she sends love and cares for herself through any harshness that comes her way.

I am pulling in the Empress’s confidence and facing my fears head on. Fear is, in my experience, the crux of anxiety. When I face what causes me fear, that anxiety is diminished. At this time of year we see mushrooms fearlessly popping up and doing what they do. They don’t care that they are growing in the middle of a beautifully manicured yard…they are going about their business regardless. I am doing my best to be like those mushrooms. LOL. Growing and being fearless about it.

I hope that with the Empress’s continued help that I will be able to see continued fear busting. With her support I will keep on planting my roots and tending the precious seeds that constitute my life. I will no longer give power to old ways of thinking, at least not without a fight, I will be my own map maker.

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