Rejection is a feeling I have lived with very intimately over the years. It has been a close companion from childhood so I believe myself to be pretty well versed in it’s personality.
I have had a recent experience where my shadows of rejection came to play quite strongly. Which is what gave me the push to write this. This situation caused me to look deeply at my heart.
I needed to look at why I was feeling a certain way about what had been proposed to me. Why was I feeling scared? Unworthy? Protective of myself? Desperately wanting to put up walls?
I am proud of myself because I allowed myself to talk to those who are important to me. Told them how I was feeling. They reassured me with love and friendship. I worked through my feelings and came out the other side having learnt something about myself.
The fact is I need still need to deal with my shadows connected to rejection. I think we all do. Have you ever not did something or hid a piece of yourself because of fear of being shamed or rejected? If your answer is yes…and I think it is…keep reading.
I want to share with you some of the ways my rejection shadows manifest…
They show up in a feeling of lack…a lack of..
feeling worthy to be who and what I am
confidence in my abilities.
self-love…caring about myself
the ability to accept affection.
These are all quite powerful shadows to fight individually…it can be a blood bath with all four to battle.
In my experience we can’t do battle with all four at once. When I say that…I mean that we we need to pick our daily battles and choose what we are going to work on that day…we can’t do it all everyday. Our brains would turn into soup if we tried.
You can perform self care and maintenance…but to really deal with a deep and intimate shadow, one must take it on individually.
Here are some steps I take when working through an issue that crops up in my life…
I acknowledge the issue.
I do not ignore it. I look at it. I examine it. I ask some questions to investigate it like…
How is this shadow/scar/trauma making me feel right now?
What triggered it?
Where are my thoughts right now?
Can I engage with these emotions and thoughts at this time? No…shelve it for later…
yes, sit down and process the issue.
2) I make a concerted effort to keep myself feeling loved.
This can be extremely hard, but it can be done. Remembering to be gentle and taking small steps in important. We can not expect ourselves to process overnight…and healing takes even longer.
3) I stay brave.
I might be scared, shamed or feeling I lack the intelligence to deal with a particular issue…but I keep going. I do my best not to crawl under a rock when I am called to deal with a shadow that knocks at my psyche. Please don’t feel bad if you hide…I still do that all the time…but I do my damned best not to. There are days we just can’t deal and that is OK…but stand up the next day and say…”I’m going to kick some ass!”
So lets bring this back to rejection…
What is rejection?
It is that feeling of not feeling in, being shunned, not accepted within the group you maybe associated with.
How can rejection make us act?
Rejection can make us act out or react internally in a way that shuts down those around us or ourselves.
Now you might ask…Well how can we work with this knowledge?
When we feel ourselves being triggered or pulled into the feelings of being rejected there are a few things we can do.
First) Staying balanced in our emotions. We can remind ourselves that not everything or everyone is hating/shaming or looking down on us.
Second) See the situation in it’s entirety. We all have a tendency to see from one perspective…ours. Our eyes see things coloured by our experiences and emotions brought on by them. Making an effort to expand our view and see the world from different vantage points will greatly help us to reduce the feelings of rejection.
Third) Endeavour to learn the difference between loving criticism and invasive rejection.
Those of us who struggle with rejection issues can be hyper sensitive to criticism, even when it is given with care and our best interests in mind. We will reject this loving show of support because we are triggered and see it as invasive rejection.
Invasive rejection is where we experience an environment of shame/dismissal and feeling of invisibility. It is an environment we see as permanent and without escape. Those of us with rejection shadows can a lot of the time see the world as this environment…and this follows us everywhere. Especially if one has grown up in a family situation where rejection was an everyday occurrence.
and Forth) Don’t hide. No matter what…grab your courage by the balls. It will be fucking scary…but go forth anyway. When you do this, remind yourself that acceptance from others can be fleeting, acceptance of self brings life. When we accept ourselves we see more acceptance in the world around us.
So my Dears, Lets love ourselves and start accepting ourselves for who we are. Love yourself into being the truly wonderful creature you want to be. You have every right to expand and be who are at your core.
I want to give you this gift, It is a tarot spread to encourage acceptance of self. Please let me know if you try it our and how it worked for you. 😀
I leave you all with my love and acceptance of who you are. May you be blessed with love and immense amounts of life and light.