Dealing With Toxic Relationships.


Hello Dear Readers.

If you have been reading some of my past Blogs…you will know a little something about my family. Today I wanted to talk about toxic relationships with our parents.

Before I go forward in this blog I will give a disclaimer. I do not come on here to bash, speak ill of or otherwise of my family. I share these things because they are the experiences I have had, unfortunately, they have not been positive or life-affirming. I love my family, My family is just not healthy for me or each other. I’m sure there are many of you out there that can relate and understand this.

So…Toxic Relationships. where do we start eh?

I will start with what prompted this blog. A certain family member of mine seems to think it appropriate to send me messages around birthdays and Christmas. They have started early this year. 😀

Why is this a problem for me?

Because this individual is not an individual that is good for me to have in my life. It is a sad fact because I love them but can not have them around me. They are the type of person to seek out the negative, speak to me in ways that are demeaning and has never been emotionally supportive of me.

Over the years with this person messaging me when they do…it has brought sadness and other feelings to the surface. I have admittedly allowed this to affect me greatly and essentially ruin my birthdays and holidays.

Now Is that their fault, No.


Because I am the one that chooses how I feel and deal. I have blamed them for causing me hurt at those times and have not taken responsibility for my own self.

This is not to say you can not have feelings when situations arise, allow the feelings, just do not dwell there. It is fucking hard not to, I get that. It’s just that if we do dwell there…we will not move forward, will we?

Here are some items of action I use to help me in these situations.

  1. Embracing myself. I give myself extra love and kindness.
  2. Meditate.
  3. Process the feelings. Rage scream. Write it out and burn the pages. Speak it out in some form.
  4. Get extra support from my friends. If you have supportive family members seek them out.

I have found that a combination of these works for me. I enjoy poetry writing, meditation and talking to my friends about what is going on. I appreciate their support so much! You know who you are. 😉

But…how do we deal directly with the person. That can be difficult because of many factors. Sometimes the person just does not acknowledge the boundaries you are trying to build. Sometimes it is sheer stubbornness or even entitlement that keeps them motivated in their actions.

Here are a few actionable tips I have for dealing with this. You will see that I do not advocate sudden cutting of cords or ending of relationships. These tips are meant to help with openness between you and the person in question.

1) Keep stating your boundaries.

This might seem basic but it is important. Speak your mind and your boundaries. repeatedly. Use different words and express your needs in different ways. Hopefully, this will facilitate constructive communication.

2) State your expectations.

This is different than the last point. When I say expectations I’m talking about asking for apologies, reparations for damages done, Ect. If you have been hurt you have every right to ask for an apology and an acknowledgment of the wrongdoing. Preferably with a statement of how they intend to correct and heal the situation. This may seem like a very vulnerable thing to do. Remember though that you deserve respect and to be treated well.

3) Give full disclosure of your intent.

When communication ends up not being constructive we have to do what is healthy for us. Sadly at times, this means we must begin to limit or even cease associating with said person. So speaking your intent is important. They key is not to make it a threat. It should be a simple statement of your desire to heard, respected and loved. If these things cannot be provided, then for your health, you will have to engage in keeping distance between you and the other person.

Limiting their access to you may be enough. At this point, I would suggest getting professional help. This, we can all hope, will help with beginning the healing process between you.

4) Standing your ground.

At this point, if everything else reasonable and possible has been attempted…then stand your ground. Keep firm boundaries and do what must be done for your health and safety.

I will state right here… No matter what suggestions I give must do what you feel is best for you. These are just some things I have learned while dealing with my toxic person. If you are in any serious danger then get yourself gone from that environment…immediately. Do not stay in a situation that will lead to your being seriously abused in any way. You are worth so much more

If you are in any serious danger then get yourself gone from that environment…immediately. Do not stay in a situation that will lead to your being seriously abused in any way. You are worth so much more than that. You do not deserve to be treated with anything less than respect and care.

I want to send out to you my love and support. You are stronger then you might realize at this moment. You are of value and worth…so demand to be treated that way. Do not settle for less than love and respect from every person in your life.

Brightest Blessing to you all.



November Cartoscopes!

November Cartoscopes

My lovely Readers welcome to November’s Cartoscopes.

What a lovely October just past…the earth is slowly going to sleep. Do you feel it? I know I do. That feeling of wanting to fold myself inwards and seek my spirit and get to know her after all the sun and energy and growth over the past year. What a journey it has been!

Let us look at the cards, shall we? As always…I pull a card for each sign and present to you the message that comes through. Please find your Sun. Moon and Ascendant signs below and see what the universe has to tell you!

I will be using the gorgeous Sacred Rebels Oracle cards this month. I think they suit the time of year we are in here in the northern hemisphere. 😀

I hope you enjoy each message.

May you all be blessed! 


Aries: What You Want, Wants You.


Dear Aries, Don’t you know yet that manifestation is one of your superpowers? Whether it be positive, negative or somewhere in between…you manifest the shit out life. You might not even know you’re doing it. It is all in the mind and heart. Time to open your eyes and take a look around, you will see what you have caused to come into your life. The proof is there before you. Is it what you expected? is it what you want? Answer those questions, Aries. When you do, you will be able to direct your manifesting superpower as you wish.

Taurus: The Word Wants To Be Written


Words are like stones. When thrown into the waters of our consciousness they cause ripples. They effect change, they cause others to see things in different shades and shapes. Sweet Taurus, You have many words to share. Please share them. You don’t have to write a book and publish it…just share your words in the ways you are comfortable with. Journal, blog, even in 140 character tweets…it does not matter. You have wisdom garnered from experience that could be beneficial for those who read your words.

Gemini: Legacy Of Light


Gemini, Your ancestors are speaking. Do you hear them? They want to share with you their light and wisdom. Even our progeny has pieces of insight to share. The generations are cyclical and connected through spirit, the words of children can be some of the most profound and heart-affecting. When we listen to the family spirit and glean from its collective experience, we will be changed. Are you ready for change Dear Gemini?

Cancer: Bring It Into Form


Our emotions can be quite formless and fly like the wind. This can cause some confusion within ourselves. We can’t quite grasp what may be triggering us…but we feel it sharply. Lovely Cancer, bring it all to the surface. Let your emotions break through and become what they need to be. You will be taken on a journey, probably a difficult one, but you will come to the end. At the end will be what you need to know. This knowledge will strengthen you.

Leo: Softly, Softly, The Tender Touch.


Leo, Be gentle with yourself this month. Tears may flow but they will be healing. Your intuitive powers will bring you to places in your shadow that may be hard to tread. You are a badass Leo so you can handle it. Allow your mind to expand and see where your intuition leads you. Be soft with yourself when you hit walls or information that is hard to process. Don’t force it but don’t run from it either. Gently and lovingly hold space for yourself as you would someone you cared greatly for. This is the most precious kind of self-love.

Virgo: She Feels, She Knows.


Virgo Darling, it is time to stop ignoring the feelings you are being presented with. You know whats what. Don’t doubt yourself by tossing your intelligence to the side. Embrace the fact that your observation and empathic nature are showing you something very important. Address the facts. Stay firm in your stance and opinion. Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t know what you’re talking about. You do. Be brave. Be courageous. Be you.

Libra: Sacred Fool.


You are not the puppet Poppet. You are the controller of your own fate. Don’t feel that way right now? Then it is time to strip things bare, get naked with yourself and look at why you feel so powerless. You are not here in this reality to entertain others, you are here to please yourself and do as you damn well want. So be the free loving and spontaneous fool this month Libra. Find your joy, find your daring, find your strings and cut them.

Scorpio: What Do You Feel?


Perspective is everything, isn’t it? We have been given the blessing of free will and decision making. What is it that drives those choices? Is it how we have been trained to perceive the world, our own little bubble of existence or is it conscious choices? I encourage you to think deeply about this, weight what your choices up to know have been. See the patterns governing your decision making. If you do not like what you see…get in there and change it.

Sagittarius: Inner Trust.


There is within a feeling, an energy, that we just can’t explain. We sometimes call it intuition, gut instinct, a mother’s knowing…but it is there. It is that surety we feel, a firm knowing that comes on us. Don’t ignore this Sagittarius. Trust in yourself. Know that your feelings are rarely wrong so act on them with trust, wisdom, and respect for all involved…including yourself.

Capricorn: Shock Of The New.


Watch out for something out of the blue Capricorn! New developments within and without may take you by surprise this month. Maybe you will find growth where you did not expect to see it. Inspiration? a major possibility. Finding your personal expression and courage to face a situation you have been avoiding, it is in the cards. No matter what may come, and it may challenge you, it will be all good things in the end.

Aquarius: Against The Grain.


Time to pop that bubble Aquarius. You have been swimming in your comfort zone way to long. Emotions of self-doubt and possibly anxiety have held you back from going where you wanna go. Cut that shield you have surrounded yourself with down and step forward. Take on a new skin. One that will walk with you as you go against what is comfortable for you. This skin is a new perspective, a new way of expression and thinking…it is empowerment. Going from pure feeling and reaction to thinking and responding can be overwhelming. Be assured you have the ability to do this.

Pisces: Follow Your Own Rhythm.


The rebel inside wants to dance Baby! Source that music inside you and start stepping. You will find your joy and peace when you move with your own music. Your music may clash with an other’s. Do not let this stop you. those people simply do not appreciate your personal genre. Keep shaking your ass and jiving to life, you will find those who resonate with you. When you do…invite them to dance.

Finding Your Rhythm

Weekly Reading for Oct 29th- Nov 4th.


Dear Ones,

It is Samhain season, one of my favourite times of year. I love the cooler weather, the changing leaves and the cozy nights indoors.

I also enjoy the energy around this sacred time. It is a time of change and transition. The earth is showing us her rhythms and cycles in a colourful show. She is beginning her long sleep after all the energy used during spring and summer. She needs to rest and gain strength again.

We can learn a lot from Mamma Earth. We all have cycles and natural rhythms that are unique to us. We do not always follow those rhythms though do we?

We get so caught up in our daily lives that we forget ourselves. We forget we are creatures of this earth and need to look inward to see what makes us healthy, happy and centered. Where have we been expending our energies that we no longer need to be? our we worrying or distracted by things that no longer matter or is not actually our shit to deal with?

Let us change that. Take some time in the near future to sort through this. Find your inner self again and adjust your spirit to tick with your natural rhythm. Try meditation, exercise, pulling a tarot/oracle card and thinking deeply about it or anything else that works to ground and centre you personally.

I use meditation as my means of grounding. I am what I call an active meditator. I find it hard to just sit. I use mala beads and repeat mantras and affirmations that feel good at that particular moment. If I am needing to ground I’ll use mantras like..

“I am safe.”
“I am calm.”
“I am loved.”
“I am connected.”

I usually pull a card and find that a mantra will come to me as I look at it. It is always spot on to. Gotta love tarot and oracle cards for that reason. They really are a great tool for connecting to our subconscious.

Below, I have a Tarot/Oracle card spread for you. This spread will bring you to a knowledge of where you need to centre/ground, where your energies are going and how to redirect them to better purpose.

What is Mamma Earth telling you right now? Where are your energies being spent right now?What changes are crucial for you to make so you can spend those energies in a healthier manner?Ho

I would love to hear from those who try this spread. I love throwing spreads and gleaning wisdom from what the cards tell me. I’d love to hear about your experiences. Please comment below!

I wish for you all a blessed Samhain/Halloween/All Hallows Eve season! 

Now I am off to do a Samhain ritual with my BFF from Steller Tarot. Love that girl and we are going to have so much fun. I’ll share pictures on my social media and here, so keep an eye out. 😀 




Hello Dear Ones,

Recently on social media there was a campaign that went viral. The #metoo was all over the place and it was quite epic in my opinion. Some felt it was amazing, like myself.

Some where triggered by it. For that I feel empathy. It was a trigger for me as well. It was also empowering for me. My love and support to those who felt scared, scarred, possibly threatened by the idea of stating Me Too, on your healing journey.

Some others thought this campaign was started by Alissa Milano. If fact it was not. The Me Too Movement was created by sexual assault survivor Tarana Burke in 2006. It is her years of work that has just come to my attention,and many others, with this recent viral hashtag. I could get into the whole famous white woman tweets and the work of a black woman is finally acknowledged issue…But I will not at this time. Not because I don’t have thoughts about it..I don’t feel equipped to do the subject justice. I hope to be more educated in the future.

I do want to direct you to a great article that will give you Tarana Burke’s history and story..

Washington Post about Tarana Burke

Please read it. She is inspiring on so many levels.

So why am I mentioning it…?

Because this is something that needs to be talked about.

I was one that posted #metoo on my social media. I watched at many of my friends posted this hashtag. It was shocking and not at the same time.

How prevalent this is in our society. How normal.

The normalcy is what is most disturbing. How we take it in stride and go “yup. Just an other day in the life.”

Let us make this less normal. Less accepted by bringing this out into the light. Share your stories. Don’t allow them to fester in the darkness. Share your wounds and allow yourself to heal while you help another purge and heal.

I would like to share with you my story so you know I understand. #metoo

My first memory of being seen as something to be owned and sexualized was when I was in elementary school. It was one of my Dad’s friends. I don’t remember his name, but I remember his face. He would call me wife and invite me into his room(he was staying with us for some reason that I do not know). I do not remember anything physical happening…but I remember his looks.

A few years later, after some incidents between my Mother and Father, my Mother accused me of taking my Father’s affections. It was a dark night of the soul for her I think…but it still caused me to question my worth and self. I look back on that memory and can forgive her because there is a significant piece of information I retained from that encounter. She was reading a book about childhood sexual assault. A few days before this…she had freaked out at my step-Grandma because I had been left alone with my Grandfather…I over heard the discussion. My Mother had been abused by my Grandfather. #HerToo

Then into high school…So many stories from high school! There are to many to list and detail here.

As I graduated from High School I was kicked out of my house because “Your an Adult now…”

I was lost and had no idea what to do. I clung to the first person that showed me any care. His name was Pete. We lived on the streets, he used me and abused me in a multitude of ways. I was raped repeatedly by those around me during my time in that situation.

It was an absolutely horrific time in my life. It lasted 2 years. Maybe not as long as some…but enough to do severe damage. It took me years to heal from that…I continue to heal to this day.

Let us band together and stand up, speak out and #saytheirname , Express #metoo to those who open up about their assaults. Let us make this less “normal” and teach what this really is…an invasion of a persons body, mind and spirit. Let us continue to fight for healing.

I would like to help with the healing in this world. In this vein I have set up an Etsy option for this purpose. It is a charitable reading called the Warriors Cry. This is an empowering reading and I love doing them for people.

Each purchase of this reading will be 100% donated to the Anna Davis Transition Society in Chilliwack, BC. If you would like to know more about this organization please go here..

Anna Davis Transition Society

If you would like to help me contribute to this and do your small part in helping others to heal, please book a reading here..

Warrior’s Cry: Charitable Tarot Reading

I want anyone who is reading this to know…

I am here for you. I am a shoulder to lean your head on and speak to if you need it. Hit me up with a message via my social media if you don’t feel you have anyone else to talk to. I will talk to you. No judgements, just support.

I hope that in some small way I have leant you, Dear Reader, some support and strength by sharing this blog.

May love and healing be with you all,


Flowing into Vulnerability



What a fucking scary word!

I’ve been thinking a lot about being vulnerable recently. It makes me think about the Nine of Swords card in the tarot. The anxiety, the fear and terror. This all is intimately connected to being vulnerable. Especially when one has a background of abuse or neglect.

For me being vulnerable is a very hard thing to be. It means I have to continue to let down my walls of “screw you” that pop up to protect me. It has been hard for me but so much a valuable learning experience. I am very thankful for this…but damn those sleepless nights. I plan to keep going though and that is the key.

Even though I’m really feeling the 9 of Swords energy right now…I am also feeling the Ace of Wands energy.

That feeling of passion, creativity and boldness. It is a spark in me that has always been there…and I want to feed it. I want that spark to become a fire, a raging life that is fuelled by being vulnerable and not giving a damn. I want it to be like when I was a child and had not learned to fear yet. What a beautiful gift that spark is. Do you feel it? I hope you do! Grab it…let yourself be infused with that fire!

You see for me, I cloak my vulnerability in detachment.

Let me explain. As an older child I learnt to remove my feelings and place them in a mental box. Hidden away and not felt. To feel was scary and it hurt. If I had emotional reactions I was told to stop and grow up. So to me being an adult meant not feeling, or at least…not showing it. To be vulnerable was a way to pain and further damage.

I have learnt over the years an important truth from all this…

hiding only leads to loneliness and depression. Anxiety over the possibility that one has shared to much of oneself only causes one to be isolated. This is so damaging to a species that thrives on community and connection. It is damaging to us individually and collectively.


The Ace of Wands energy will give us the inspiration and the boldness to be vulnerable in the face of fear. Let us burn away the reservations we have. Throw it to flames and see what the smoke inspires in us.

All the Aces have special gifts for us to utilize in our journey to healthy vulnerability.


The Ace of Pentacles gives a feeling of solidity and safety, like a fully opened root chakra.


The Ace of Cups helps with open expression and release of emotions attached to our fears and protected pieces of ourselves.


The Ace of Swords grants us the ability to see clearly, cut through the shit and get to the meat of the matter at hand.

All the Aces are beautiful Shadow Work partners. Their energies will help us to be more in our bodies, feelings and minds. We must be in touch with our selves to process and allow openness to happen in beautiful healing ways. I highly suggest grabbing an ace and meditating with it. See where your spirit takes you and what wisdom you can glean from your focus on your chosen Ace.

Here is a easy formula to get you started on meditation if you do not already have a practice in place.

1) Get your self a quiet and comfortable place to sit or lay down.

2) Get your chosen card and focus on it for a few minutes. Memorize how it looks and imagine what it’s textures feel like. place yourself in the picture if you like.

3) Close your eyes. allow your mind to relax. don’t worry about clearing your mind and having no thoughts…that is pretty much impossible. Just relax. let the thoughts come and go as they please. Gently Direct your thoughts towards the card you have chosen. pay attention to the feelings and thoughts that come to you. When you feel an important thought or feeling has come to you…explore it. Gently ask it questions like Why, How, Who ect. See where this leads you.

4) Do this for as long as you chose. Please be gentle with yourself. There is no need to force anything. If nothing comes to you the first time let it be. Try again at an other time.

Being vulnerable can feel very overwhelming, but if we love ourselves through the process…we will come out of it with more confidence. We will learn great things about ourselves…more than we imagined. We will see how much we are loved in the world…if only we allow ourselves to be open and expressive with those around us.

My love to you all,


October 2017 Cartoscopes!


Hello Dear Readers! 

I am pleased to give you October’s Cartoscopes. 😀 As with all my Cartoscopes, these are meant to be quick and sweet. My mode of operation is the same with these as with all my readings. I meditate and ask my guides to connect with me so that I may give you what spirit wants you to recieve as a message. 

I hope these little gems of inspiration with help you along your paths for October. May it be a blessed month for you all. 

Much love, 


PS: For those of you who may want to know…The deck I used it The Wheel othe Year Tarot. It was created by Maria Caratti. 

Aries: Princess Of Wands


Fiery Aries. Opening ones heart to the future is paramount this month Aries. The future is indeed bright. Allow yourself to vanquish your fears over what may be and be your fiery self. The pricks and scratches you may receive are worth the effort of saying “Fuck it…I’m doing it.”

Remember…your an Aries…nothing can keep you caged for long.

Taurus: Queen of Swords


Dear Taurus. Beware of cutting your own throat. In your anger or frustration you may lose your sense of logic and common sense. Keep a cool head in the coming month. Look at everything around you with open eyes, without judgement or preconceived ideas. Allow yourself to see they whole picture not just what you want to see.

In doing this you will not cause yourself or others hurt that could otherwise have been avoided.

Gemini: Ace of Chalices


Beautiful Gemini. We sometimes hold on to our unique ways of feeling and expression because of fear. We hold ourselves in a frozen state and feel protected as a result.

Now is the time to thaw. Allow your heart and mind to warm up to the world around you. Let your protections melt and flow away, releasing the chill you have been clinging to. Your personal perception of the world will look so much brighter and vivid as a result.

Cancer: Princess Of Chalices


Dear Cancer. New and exciting feelings are on the horizon. Allow yourself to be open to the newness that is approaching. Now is the time to connect strongly with your guides and have them close. They will be very instrumental in helping you navigate through the new paths these emerging feelings will take you down. Walk with confidence and grace, you got the skills and backup to do so.

Leo: 9 of Swords


Dear Leo. Anxiety is a bitch…it can feel like it is attaching you from all sides. Leo, you are kick ass and can manage this. The anxiety that can feel overwhelming comes from feeling vulnerable. Embrace that vulnerability. Do not harden yourself to protect your heart. Receive the wisdom that comes from feeling and being alive.

Fire signs are so dynamic, we can flare up and then die down very quickly…so those times we rage forth in confidence can feel amazing…and then in the afterglow…we feel the anxiety and fear. That is where one must be concious of not becoming hardened.

Virgo: 7 of Swords


Stay your course Virgo. There are many things in your life that are going to cause a disturbance in your flow. Make sure you are aware of them and take measures to keep them from taking you down the wrong path. You know where you want to go so keep stepping along the cobbles that will get you there.

Libra: 10 Of Pentacles


You have been working very hard lately Libra. It is time to rest and look at all your efforts and the payouts. There are times when we work extremely hard and see very little…but there is always some pay for our efforts. Look for the good in all the hard work. Look for supportive people to talk to if you find yourself feeling down and out. Friends and family can give a lift to your spirits through love and community.

Scorpio: 5 of Swords


Dearest Scorpio. Aggression is the road to sadness. You will come upon times when you want to rage. This is natural. Your vengeful and angry thoughts will swirl and surround you. This to is natural. The key here is to show some control over those thoughts. Lashing out in heated fury is not going to accomplish anything. Showing some mercy and kindness towards those we are clashing with will help with constructive communication. This communication will help further relations and develop understanding. You will find peace and calm when keeping this in mind.

Sagittarius: 2 of Cups


Beautiful Sagittarius. This month is one to watch for misunderstandings between you and the ones you love. Being open with those closest to you is going to be paramount. Keep your lines of communication open, don’t shut down. Express your love and express your feelings about whatever is concerning you. We all go through times where we want to closet ourselves…but that does not help anything. Direct and naked words are needed to find the support/help or reassurance we desire.

Capricorn: 2 of Wands


Dear Capricorn. Growth comes after following our inspirations. Is there something you have been thinking about lately? Take that seed and plant it. Give it the tending it needs. After a little time you will see it begin to grow. You might find that there will be those around you who may poo poo on your efforts…ignore them. Keep those who support you around and ask for their assistance if needed. You will see the rewards of your energies. Keep pushing.

Aquarius: Princess of Swords


Dear Aquarius. What are you searching for? Are you looking for the facts or just what you want to find? Before you go ahead and proclaim your opinions, be sure of what you are saying. Have both eyes open and a clear mind when confronting the issues at hand. Remember words are weapons. The problem with words though? The damage done with them can’t be truly undone.

Pisces: 9 of Wands


Hard working Pisces! Your time is close at hand! all the effort and patience you have put into your projects/family/friends/employment…are going to come to fruition. It is almost time for the harvest. Know that your guides are with you and supporting you. Keep moving and keep working Pisces…the end is near.

I see Hope: The Empress

Today I am extremely happy to be writing about the Empress…She is a lovely loving archetype.

This series of blogs is about how I see hope in the tarot cards. Hope is a beautiful feeling and one of the most powerful emotions we can feel. With the Empress, she represents the central axis of hope. She IS hope itself. The Empress is the Venus…the woman of love and hope. She is very dear to me, this archetype has followed me since childhood and has been a protector. I did not have a name for her then but I knew I could always call on her. 

The Empress is hope in the sense that she brings life. She is the creative force we see in the world. In the depths of winter, it is she who gives the animals the hope of a new spring. When we each have a shitty day, week, month or year…it is that element of hope she plants in our hearts that keeps us going. It drives us to take one more step…even when we don’t see the point of it. 

Hope is the energy that will cause an individual to rise up from their depression. It is a form of self-love. I know that when I am spiraling into a depression or a bout of high anxiety, Hope is what brings me out of it and I am able to function again. Don’t let your hope die, let it be the spark that brings you light when you need it most.

People in romantic relationships can also access hope, to heal the wounds we all inevitably cause each other. Larger groups of individuals can come together and put their hope into a melting pot and use its energies to create change where they see change needs to be made.

Her youthful exuberance entices us to joy and the spreading of our hearts. Giving pieces of our love to all around us. 

One can use her energies for a boost when hope seems hard to hold onto. Below is a tarot spread you can throw to help you in this.

First…find the Empress card in your deck. Place her in the middle of your space. Next, place the four cards you pull around her as shown in the picture below. Meditate on the questions and the corresponding card. Open yourself to any messages being given to you. 😀 

Next, place the four cards you pull around her as shown in the picture below. Meditate on the questions and the corresponding card. Open yourself to any messages being given to you. 😀 

Then meditate on the questions and the corresponding card. Open yourself to any messages being given to you so that hope can be increased in your heart. 😀 

  1. Why has my hope diminished?
  2. How can I love myself into more hope?
  3. What do I need to do to remove the factors that diminish my hope?
  4. What fuel do I need to feed my spark of hope…and create a fire?

Rejection Shadows Spread-4

I wish you all an abundance of hope,


The Day The Grasshopper Visited Me.

grasshopper7Lately, I have been in a tower moment. For those who may not know what this means I’ll elaborate. A tower moment is a time when there is great change or shifts in one’s life. It is the deconstruction of established patterns and set ways of thinking. A lot of the time it feels like one’s walls are falling down around them.


 I am at the stage where my walls have been crumbled and I am left standing…wondering what to do next.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I have two options…

The first being, rebuild my tower with stubbornness and fear. In doing so, go back to the way things were.

I have been quite the wall builder. I loved my walls…they made me safe and cozy…where no one could get to me. I was protected and no one could reach me on a heart level.


Sure, I had a few friends and I “trusted” them…but I had my walls firmly in place. You know…just in case of any catastrophes…like them rejecting me in some manner. Rejection is the most horrid thing in my world.


I can look at my psychological landscape and rebuild in a different manner.

I can look at all the bumps, bruises and scars…and see something of potential. I can look at the ugliness of the past and see the loveliness it can breed. I can survey the landscape and see where I can create beauty.


Number one is not an option really…so I am choosing number two.

I know it will be a long process. This is not one of those times where one cocoons themselves away and comes out a butterfly. This is the time where I have to build the bricks individually. Laying them down with courage and self-love.

How am I going to build these bricks?

With each day and each experience that comes my way. They will be created by the choices I make, not out of fear, but out of the love I have for myself and the vision of the person I have always wanted to be. Choosing freedom for I have been under the thumb of one thing or an other my whole life. Whether it was family or my own self does not matter…I am freeing myself. I know there will be moments when I want to crawl under the rubble. Rejection and fear are bitches…but those bitches are not going to own me anymore.

What is my new tower going to look like?

I have no idea. Really. That is the wonder of it all. I am seriously joyful at this point…because I get to create. I will take the materials of my life right now and mould it until it is what I want to see. I grew up in such a dark place, I want the light to shine. I will make sure there are windows so that I can receive the light that others want to share with me. I will be sure to build doors so that I can welcome positivity. I will also slam it shut when that familiar darkness comes knocking.


Tower card moments in life do not have to be all destruction and sadness. Sure we hurt and kick and scream…but after we are done with our tantrums…we can see the wonder that is opening in front of us. I learnt this piece of truth from a grasshopper that visited me.

During my tower hermiting, I was trying to get my dog out the door for a walk. I was still very much cursing the universe for what I saw as injustices. Then I saw it. A little grasshopper. He some how got himself caught inside the mudroom. I asked him what he was thinking of getting himself lost like that. So I set myself to catching it. As I did…I wondered if this little guy had a message for me. He did.

Grasshoppers do not jump backwards or to the side…they jump forwards at all times. I have read they are very adept at reading sound vibrations. This tells me they are highly sensitive to how they feel. These two facets of the grasshopper told me this..

That it was time to stop going backward and go forwards and to do so bravely. It takes courage to jump as far as the grasshopper does and have faith that one will land safely. I like to also think that their ability to jump so high and far brings them joy and fun. I’ll most definitely be embracing that energy.


To follow my inner voice…my inner being and truth. It has always been there…I am now in a place where I can listen. So I better start and that beginning will bring so much more colour to my life. 

Thank you little grasshopper for visiting me. You have delivered your message loudly. As I rebuild I am going to paint my new tower with so many colors and textures, It is going to be beautiful.

I hope that you will share with me your journeys through life changing moments. How did you come through it and how did these events change you? Please feel free to comment I’d love to hear from you.

Much love,


Rejection Shadows: How To Deal…

Rejection is a feeling I have lived with very intimately over the years. It has been a close companion from childhood so I believe myself to be pretty well versed in it’s personality.

I have had a recent experience where my shadows of rejection came to play quite strongly. Which is what gave me the push to write this. This situation caused me to look deeply at my heart.

I needed to look at why I was feeling a certain way about what had been proposed to me. Why was I feeling scared? Unworthy? Protective of myself? Desperately wanting to put up walls?

I am proud of myself because I allowed myself to talk to those who are important to me. Told them how I was feeling. They reassured me with love and friendship. I worked through my feelings and came out the other side having learnt something about myself.

The fact is I need still need to deal with my shadows connected to rejection. I think we all do. Have you ever not did something or hid a piece of yourself because of fear of being shamed or rejected? If your answer is yes…and I think it is…keep reading.

I want to share with you some of the ways my rejection shadows manifest…

They show up in a feeling of lack…a lack of..

feeling worthy to be who and what I am
confidence in my abilities.
self-love…caring about myself
the ability to accept affection.

These are all quite powerful shadows to fight individually…it can be a blood bath with all four to battle.

In my experience we can’t do battle with all four at once. When I say that…I mean that we we need to pick our daily battles and choose what we are going to work on that day…we can’t do it all everyday. Our brains would turn into soup if we tried.

You can perform self care and maintenance…but to really deal with a deep and intimate shadow, one must take it on individually.

Here are some steps I take when working through an issue that crops up in my life…

I acknowledge the issue.

I do not ignore it. I look at it. I examine it. I ask some questions to investigate it like…

How is this shadow/scar/trauma making me feel right now?

What triggered it?

Where are my thoughts right now?

Can I engage with these emotions and thoughts at this time? No…shelve it for later…
yes, sit down and process the issue.

2) I make a concerted effort to keep myself feeling loved.

This can be extremely hard, but it can be done. Remembering to be gentle and taking small steps in important. We can not expect ourselves to process overnight…and healing takes even longer.

3) I stay brave.

I might be scared, shamed or feeling I lack the intelligence to deal with a particular issue…but I keep going. I do my best not to crawl under a rock when I am called to deal with a shadow that knocks at my psyche. Please don’t feel bad if you hide…I still do that all the time…but I do my damned best not to. There are days we just can’t deal and that is OK…but stand up the next day and say…”I’m going to kick some ass!”

So lets bring this back to rejection…

What is rejection?

It is that feeling of not feeling in, being shunned, not accepted within the group you maybe associated with.

How can rejection make us act?

Rejection can make us act out or react internally in a way that shuts down those around us or ourselves.

Now you might ask…Well how can we work with this knowledge?

When we feel ourselves being triggered or pulled into the feelings of being rejected there are a few things we can do.

First) Staying balanced in our emotions. We can remind ourselves that not everything or everyone is hating/shaming or looking down on us.

Second) See the situation in it’s entirety. We all have a tendency to see from one perspective…ours. Our eyes see things coloured by our experiences and emotions brought on by them. Making an effort to expand our view and see the world from different vantage points will greatly help us to reduce the feelings of rejection.

Third) Endeavour to learn the difference between loving criticism and invasive rejection.

Those of us who struggle with rejection issues can be hyper sensitive to criticism, even when it is given with care and our best interests in mind. We will reject this loving show of support because we are triggered and see it as invasive rejection.

Invasive rejection is where we experience an environment of shame/dismissal and feeling of invisibility. It is an environment we see as permanent and without escape. Those of us with rejection shadows can a lot of the time see the world as this environment…and this follows us everywhere. Especially if one has grown up in a family situation where rejection was an everyday occurrence.

and Forth) Don’t hide. No matter what…grab your courage by the balls. It will be fucking scary…but go forth anyway. When you do this, remind yourself that acceptance from others can be fleeting, acceptance of self brings life. When we accept ourselves we see more acceptance in the world around us.

So my Dears, Lets love ourselves and start accepting ourselves for who we are. Love yourself into being the truly wonderful creature you want to be. You have every right to expand and be who are at your core.

I want to give you this gift, It is a tarot spread to encourage acceptance of self. Please let me know if you try it our and how it worked for you. 😀

Rejection Shadows Spread

I leave you all with my love and acceptance of who you are. May you be blessed with love and immense amounts of life and light.


The Power of I Am.

Welcome to the first annual International Tarot Day Blog Hop!

The card that I was assigned is the Magician. I absolutely adore the Magician for many reasons. To my mind he is such a character of strength, creativity, personal power, confidence and passion.

The words that describe this dynamic archetype are I Am. The statement I AM is the most powerful in the human language. I consider them the most beautiful.

I Am is a vocalization of our belief in ourselves. The confidence we have within. How does this thought make you feel? Excited? Apprehensive?

It used to scare the hell out of me to be honest. I grew up being torn down and these words sought to heal that. For a long time I ran away from this wonderful energy…but I no longer do. I embrace it and am learning so much about myself in the process.

Do you want to feel like a more confident individual? Do you want to manifest more positive change in your life?

You can. We all are able to access that magician within.

Here is an exercise to help you connect with your inner magician.


Take a mirror and place yourself somewhere comfortable. Or just stand in front of a convenient mirror.

Look at yourself. Look at all your uniqueness. Greet your soul by looking into your eyes and seeing what is within.

Speak the words I AM. Say them to yourself and absorb the energy inherent in those words.

If you like you can add to the statement and create some manifestation magic. You can say things like…

I am creative.

I am healing.

I am loved.

I am confident.

Once you do this, examine how you feel. Has this brought you focus? Self compassion?

This exercise is meant to build you up, not tear down. If you feel torn down in anyway, reevaluate the statement you chose to use, or just step back to I AM. You can build up to more in the future.

I was inspired to write a bit of prose to go wth this blog. I hope you will enjoy it and may it bring you a small piece of inspiration.

I speak.

I am,

Birthing reality.

I face darkness.

I am,

Healing scars. Blood releases the pain.

I seek outcomes.

I am,

The master student. Confident yet questioning.

I am built of tinder.

I am,

a flash of ignition that brings passionate action.

I am.

I am.

I am.


May you all blessed!



To see the next blog in this hop… Please visit Goran at 78 Midnight Howls… here is the link!   —–>  78midnighthowls